Some months ago while spending too much time online, I came across an article about the death of Alexander Solzhenitsyn. Behind on the news as usual, I did not read this article until months after the event, but because it was news to me, interest in this familiar name was aroused and I thought it time to acquaint myself with the literary giant dead though he may be. Having provided myself with an excuse to shop I immediately went to Amazon.com where I found various books by the sought after author and, not wanting to commit to three volumes, I decided on The First Circle, a short read by Russian standards.

I had previously not heard of this book but was certain that, being written by Solzhenitsyn, The First Circle would not be a waste of time. The irony here is that people who spend too much time online are already guilty of time-wasting and ought not to worry that any book could affect the same wasteful results as the internet. So with the click of a button the novel was mine and I had only to wait a small number of days before I could open its preworn (yes, used) pages and embark on another journey to a far away place where I would meet new friends, and more importantly, their author.

Some time has passed since receiving Solzhenitsyn in the mail and having finished the book months ago I am left with more impression than details. The first and heaviest impression that comes to mind is that socialism is bad. Anyone who thinks that Marx promoted a grand idea needs to read Solzhenitsyn. The First Circle was long, dark, and tragic. This is no Christian comedy. If there is such thing as a Christian tragedy, this is it. No one's hopes are fulfilled and no one's conflicts are resolved. In fact, at the book's end the protagonist's circumstances go from bad to worse with no hope of recovery.

I had hoped to meet new friends as I often do in books but found that few of the characters in this story actually trusted each other which makes them a tough group to break into. I had a much easier time befriending the Pevensie children than of warming up to one of Solzhenitsyn's characters. But that's how it is when a state takes the place of God and secures its people's obedience with talons of fear. Men are created to be free and without freedom they can not have relationships as they were meant to be. Freedom provides safety which enables love and security but fear imposes cold and dreadful distance between men.

One thing that Solzhenitsyn communicated well is the resilience of men under the worst of circumstances. Men strive for a sense of normal and hope for their future (even for the next meal) whatever the darkness that surrounds them. I see this in everyone I know. Everyone strives to function normally in even the worst of disasters. We all want to believe that things are not as bad as they really are. We want to feel that relationships are healthy when they are not and we cling to the hope that if tomorrow isn't better than today than surely the day after will be. Of ourselves we want to believe, and often do, that we are grander than advertised (that we are bigger and better than we really are). All things might be against us, our government may make laws contrary to our well-being, our relationships might be unraveling and temporal circumstances fill us with hope or despair, yet eternity is written on our hearts. That is why we always know, even if only as a nagging feeling, that there is more than this. We were meant for greatness but something has gone wrong. Some malevolent will has intervened and kept us from what we were meant to be. We can glimpse what ought to have been but the vision is immediately obscured by the fog of the temporal. The serpent still speaks.

We long for the light of eternity. We look for it in many places and find substitutes that make us feel significant, such as politics, service groups, or even Twitter. The possibilities are endless. These are only temporal but the light of eternity can be found only in God. Every person has to deal with the issue of God. Who is he? Has he spoken? Those who commit themselves to denying God existence run the terrible risk of being wrong. Dead wrong in fact.

Solzhenitsyn knew first hand the oppression of communism and the black hole of prison and he could portray them realistically, honestly. But what about those of us who are in a different sort of prison, one of our own making where darkness is called light and good is called evil, where we have lost the ability to call things by their right name? God is the only one with the power to shine light into that kind of darkness, to make that kind of communism fall, and to drive out fear with perfect love. He has placed each of us in our own place and time that we might seek him.

I suppose I did find a friend in Alexander. Not a sentimental or cheery friend, but an honest one.

 
Change is  inevitable and I don't like it. The world, against my will, is in a constant state of flux. I understand this, yet never wishing for change I find even myself involuntarily changing. Some things I want to stay the same for the comfortable sake of habit; still other things I don't want to change because to do so will bring me face to face with the unknown and that always involves risk, something I am committed to avoiding. Finally, I regret to inform you, there are the things I don't want changed simply for the sake of pride. Having said that we now come to the subject of chocolate.

This may sound childish to you and it probably is, but I have never cared much for chocolate and this dislike has been something of a point of pride with me. Yes, I sometimes indulge myself in petty pride. How often I do this we need not discuss. Recently, however, my childish resolve to dislike what everyone else seems to love was challenged. While waiting in the grocery check-out line I happened to see various kinds of dark chocolate bars. While I actually like white chocolate and milk chocolate if it's filled with peanut butter, dark chocolate has been classified in my mind as a thing that one should not eat.

As I age, not surprisingly (for you who have experience with aging), I find that my tastes change. Colors I once disliked have a regrettable appeal. I now wear fabrics I once avoided. I like foods I once hated. Understanding this unfortunate trend and remembering the glowing reports I had heard on the benefits of dark chocolate I thought it might just be time to humble myself and give chocolate another chance. After all, it seems that dark chocolate may be something of a wonder drug. Not only is it an antioxidant and lowers blood pressure, but, I have been told, acts as an anti-depressant as well. Perhaps my tastes had changed. Perhaps I would like chocolate now. Besides, being long accustomed to an afternoon sweet treat I thought a wonder drug would be a suitable replacement for cookies or cake. Wanting to start out simple I chose the bar for beginners. It had no almonds, no oatmeal and raisins or other optional upgrades,  just straight chocolate. The wrapper boasted that this bar was not only organic but also 73%. I had to ask the clerk about the 73% and learned that this figure referred to the amount of cocoa in this particular bar which, he said, would be on the bitter side of things. If I liked this I may want to try the 85% bar but I would have to work up to that.

As it turned out, I didn't half mind eating chocolate. In fact, I felt I might even be able to acquire a taste for cocoa products...might. I didn't feel I had just been treated for depression and I have no idea how improved my health might be for having consumed all those wonderful antioxidants but I enjoyed the thought that something healthy could come in dessert form.

Wondering what kinds of toxins these antioxidants might have rid me of made me think of the spiritual toxins we are all familiar with. You know, the things that harm us yet we indulge in any way, things like gossip, envy, and the ever popular complaining. Why is it that we pollute ourselves with these things anyway? The correctives to such things, I am happy to say, are in the dessert category of behavior, a kind of chocolate for the soul. I'm thinking of things such as thanksgiving, praise,  and speaking well of others instead of creating demons in the minds of those who listen to us. Such things actually contribute to our happiness and ought to be practiced often. Not only do they improve our outlook on life but they also make us considerably more tolerable to others, a goal worth pursuing.

Though we are created to receive healthy food for the maintenance of a healthy life, few of us enjoy only that which nourishes our bodies. The same holds true for our spiritual lives; not all our habits are healthy habits. It is not what goes into the body that makes us unclean but what comes out of our hearts through the mouth. It's no wonder we are told to give thanks in all circumstances and to do everything without grumbling or complaining. Regardless of who we are, life gets sticky, prickly and maybe sometimes even hellish, but that is no reason to self-destruct. As most any woman will tell you, chocolate helps.